Gone Forever (England)

Don't know what's goin' on, don't know what went wrong. Feels like a hundred years, I still can't believe you're gone.

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'The rain....it's still falling. Making that same tap, tap, tapping sound as if I were living inside a bloody metronome.' I thought as I continued to stare up at the ceiling, eyes dead, expression cold. 'How long has it been since 'he' walked out the front door, and when I began to wallow in self pity?' I turned to the clock across the bed and let out a small scoff at what I saw. 'Oh for the love of-how could fifty minutes go by when it feels like he's been gone for over a hundred years?!' I quickly shot up from my position on the bed and stormed over towards the clock, taking it into my quivering hands and throwing it to the ground with a horrible shout. I stood before it, panting like an animal at the sight of broken hands and metal gears. What was I becoming?

I let out a sigh and slowly went back to my place on the bed, not even bothering to pick up the remains of what used to be my clock.

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So i'll stay up all night, with these blood shot eyes. While these walls surround me with a story of our life.

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'I remember when he used to come in here. My dearest little brother would come in here in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes as he told me about the terrible nightmare he had, or when he thought he saw a ghost. I would always let him sleep by my side, then. But when he grew up, he declared that since he was the hero, he could take down any nightmare or ghost that dared come his way. Of course I was reluctant to believe him, especially when his legs started shaking when he uttered the G word.' I chuckled at the memory. It seemed like such a while ago when that happened. I turned to my night stand and stared at the picture of us standing side by side, Alfred smiling while I kept my face stoic and calm. I picked up the picture frame and brought it closer.

'I remember what happened after the picture was taken. America complained, saying that I should have smiled like he did, to make the picture more memorable, but I didn't listen. I told him that it didn't matter, that it was just another picture and that it was probably going to be placed somewhere where it could collect dust; just like the others. It only took until now for me to notice the hurt look in his eyes when I said that to his face. I shouldn't have snapped at him like that, I should have at least tried to pull a smile for him. Be it a small or large one like his.'

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I feel so much better, now that you're gone forever. I tell myself that I don't miss you at all. I'm not lying, denying, that I feel so much better now that you're gone forever.

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I slammed the picture frame back where it was before and quickly went to change. I had to get out of here.

(later)

"Give me another." I growled at the bartender, a shot glass in hand as I glared at it. The man behind the counter raised a brow at the glass, and the others around my elbows. I knew he was wondering if I had too much to drink, seeing as I'm just about glaring at anyone or anything that dared come near me, but since he didn't want to get on my bad side, which was definitely a bad idea with the current state that I was in, he decided to refill the glass with whatever strong, alcoholic beverage I decided to drown my sorrows with. I brought it to my lips and quickly swallowed it, enjoying the buzz it brought to myself and my minds inner turmoil.

'I don't need him. I'm England, the United bloody Kingdom for Christ sake! Besides, why should I even bother with a wanker like him anyways? He made it perfectly clear that he didn't need me the moment he pointed a gun at me. I'm better off without him. Yep, I'm perfectly fine with him being gone.' I grabbed the re-filled shot glass the bartender left me and downed it in under five seconds.

'I don't need him.'

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Now things are coming clear, and I don't need you here. And in this world around me, I'm glad you disappeared.

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I walked back home hours later in the pouring rain, the drunken state that I was hoping for having never come to me tonight, which was a great surprise to me. I was hoping to forget about what transpired between my brother and I today, but it would seem that it just wasn't going to happen. 'No matter. I'll try again tomorrow night, but this time with something stronger than what I had just moments ago.' I continued on, but then stopped when I noticed a playground not too far from where I was. 'I remember that place...' I walked over to the playground and stood in front of the swing set.

'Yes, this is the place where I always brought America. He always loved the swing set. He told me it made him feel like he was flying, just like a bird. He even jumped off once. The oaf nearly broke his leg when he did that.' I flinched at the memories this small place brought back to me and scowled at the ground.

"I don't need him. He was just an idiot who always tried to find a way to harm himself. Always trying to do something that would only end up breaking something or hurting others." I turned away from the swing set, away from the park in general, and began my trek home once more.

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So i'll stay out all night, get drunk, and f***, and fight. Until the morning comes i'll forget about our life.

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As I said yesterday, I returned to the same dreary place that dared call itself a bar the next night. I hated the conditions the bar had, but the atmosphere in here fit perfectly with how I was feeling. Nobody looked up as I walked over to the counter, all except for the bartender who sighed when he remembered who I was. 'If it's my eyebrows, I swear i'm going to break his face.' I sat down at the same seat I had yesterday and looked at the drinks that the bartender kept behind him.

"You want the same thing you had yesterday?"

"No, but do you have anything stronger than that?" He blinked.

"Stronger? Either you're just trying to run away from something or you're really stupid." I glared at him.

"Just give me the bloody drink." He backed away from me.

"Jeez, fine. Just give me a second." When he left to get my drink, I went back to my thoughts, placing my head into my arms as if I had already consumed the drink I had yet to receive. When he finally came back, he placed it down in front of me.

"Here you go. This should help you with whatever problems you have." The bartender left out, "for the moment," but decided that it was best left unsaid. I was really not in the mood for any sort of annoying confrontation. It would seem that I spoke too soon, because just as I was about to grab my drink, another hand shot out and took it away from me. Some idiot with his favorite little w**** standing by his side laughed at the bewildered look on my face.

"Thanks for the drink, old man." The fool said, chugging the drink down in one go. Oh he shouldn't have done that. I growled lowly, standing up to face him better.

"That was mine."

"Yeah. So what?" The...creature by his side laughed in the most annoying way that I'd ever heard. This was a woman? The fool smirked.

"It's very rude to take someone else's drink. Especially now that I have to pay for it..."

"Tch, I don't care. Besides, it's not like you're going to do anything about it, old man." They both laughed this time, fueling the anger and hatred I already held within my being.

"Heh, right." When he was about to make another stupid retort, I made sure to stop him before he said anything. I took the back of his head, and slammed it down onto the counter, instantly knocking the fool out. The woman yelped in surprised as her 'friend' slumped down to the floor. I let out another scoff at the sight of these two and took my seat again. I signaled to the bartender.

"Another, please?"
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I feel so much better, now that you're gone forever. I tell myself that I don't miss you at all. I'm not lying, denying, that I feel so much better now that you're gone forever.

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I woke up in my house the next morning. 'Odd, I don't remember leaving the bar in the first place.' I let a faint smile grace my lips. 'Guess I actually got drunk enough this time....but I still remember what happened between us.' I looked up at my ceiling again, hearing the birds chirping right outside my window. I got up from my bed and walked down the hall, right towards the kitchen. I can already feel the hangover starting to come and greet me, but I didn't want to deal with it today. A good cup of tea should  get rid of it anyways. As I started making the tea, I began to look around myself. This was a place America usually came to.

'Not surprised. He always ate too much, especially when he made those blasted hamburgers. When he was younger, he always used to love my cooking. But now he hates it, just like everyone else.' I grabbed one of the cups I've made and took a small sip of the warm liquid. My own special batch of tea always did help with the hangovers. I went over to the couch and lied down to rest my eyes.

"That's odd..."

"What is?" My trusty friend, Flying Mint Bunny asked.

"It's odd how much this house is better off without America here," I laughed aloud, making my friend flinch. Could she tell how much I was lying to her? By how much I was lying to myself?

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First time you screamed at me, I should have made you leave. I should have known it could be so much better. I hope you're missin' me, I hope I've made you see that I'm gone forever.

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The first fight we ever got into was before America's little revolution. He actually yelled out at me, saying that he wanted to have a choice. He didn't clarify what choice exactly, but I always gave him a right to choose. 'Just not the choice to leave...' I thought as I stared blankly at the newspaper. I read the headline and blanched. So, already the news of how America won the battle was spreading around the world. I threw the paper across the room and glared at nothing in particular. France was probably over at America's place now, patting him on the back and congratulating him on his victory. Ca....Cana-no what was it....his other brother, what was his name? Canadia? No, that's not right. It was....Canada? Canada, yes that was it! He's probably over there too, cheering the wanker silently from the side lines. How I hate them all.
I got up from my seat and picked up the paper. I roughly shoved it into the unlit fire place and went to find the matches. I needed to forget.

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And now it's coming clear, that I don't need you here. And in this world around me, I'm glad you disappeared.

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I watched the flames dance before me, reminding me of the ruin in which the war has caused. I thought back to America and how he looked when he pointed a gun in my face. My men were gone, either wounded or dead, but his were still standing, a courageous blaze in their eyes in which I had never seen before. They were all just as determined as he was. They wanted their freedom so badly, but I was too stubborn to let them go. Why, oh why didn't I just give them what they wanted, then I wouldn't be so alone and America would come back to either stay or visit. I don't care which as long as he just showed up. But he wasn't coming back, not after everything that's happened. He was gone.

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I feel so much better, now that you're gone forever. I tell myself that I don't miss you at all. I'm not lying, denying, that I feel so much better now that you're gone forever.

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I frowned and turned my attention elsewhere. Well, if that bloody fool wishes to never see me again, then I too shall ignore his existence. But if he wishes to return, I shall not welcome him with open arms in which he expects. I shall be gone to him as well. I will be gone. Gone forever, for always and eternity.

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And now you're gone forever.

And now you're gone forever.